Prince of Persia: Money Over Time

I have to say, I am fairly biased. Not only do I believe that Donnie Darko is one of the most overrated films of all time, and flat out hate Jake Gyllenhaal, but I also LOVE Prince of Persia. Okay, well, let me clarify. When I was a child I tried playing Prince of Persia for NES, ported from the Apple II. I think it was the Apple II. Anyway, the game was very hard for me. I was two or three at the time, but that really doesn't matter. I tried playing the game again a few years ago and it's still hard as balls. ANYWAY. More specifically I was a HUGE fan of The Sands of Time and Warrior Within. I have yet to finish The Two Thrones. It's not a good game. It just wasn't a good idea.

You know what else isn't a good idea? Making a fucking Disney movie about The Sands of Time.

Sure, sure, Pirates of the Caribbean was a great film. You know why that is? You can't have very high expectations when going to see a movie based on an amusement park attraction. Remember that old R.L. Stine book, "The Beast"? Same idea.

This movie, however, is based on a very beloved venture into a long running video game series. Originally developed by Broderbund, which later went on to create a little known game called Myst, The Sands of Time is a re-imagining of the series focusing on a Prince that finds a dagger that, when combined with a special hourglass, has the power to control time. Oh, and it also happens to release a bunch of sand that turns people into hideous creatures. BUT ANYWAY.

I don't know what it is about Disney. They love familiarity. All of their recent movies were totally ripped off of other, previously successful stories. Example: The Lion King. I won't get too into it, because I am not here to point out Disney's guilt by copyright infringement, but just get on the search engine of your choice and type in "kimba the white lion" and "lion king comparison" and you'll see tons of pages, some going so far as to have pictures side-by-side of Mufasa in the stars talking to Simba, and Kimba's father talking to him from the stars and clouds from decades before. They just took the imagery from Kimba and combined it with the story of Hamlet and BOOM. Box Office gold.

Example: Mulan. Um, Joan of Arc much? That, and I hear there's some Chinese tale of a real heroine that dressed up like a man and blah blah blah. Supposedly it's a legend or some nonsense.

And now we're at it again. Assassin's Creed is popular. They hear they're going to make a movie.
Michael Eisner: IS THERE ANY WAY WE CAN COPY THEM WITHOUT COPYING THEM? YOU KNOW, STEAL THEIR THUNDER AND RELEASE A SHITTY PICTURE FIRST?
Disney Jerkoff: Let's see...well, there was a Game of the Year title a few years ago about some middle eastern prince-
Michael Eisner: WHAT? LIKE THE PRINCE OF EGYPT?
Disney Jerkoff: Well, not exactly, sir. I mean, there's an hourglass-
Michael Eisner: WITH SAND? LIKE IN ALADDIN?
Disney Jerkoff: I guess there was sand in Aladdin. Anyway, he meets this girl-
Michael Eisner: THAT'S IT. SHE'S JASMINE. LET'S DO THIS. WHO DO TWEENGIRLS FLOCK TO THESE DAYS THAT WE DON'T ALREADY HAVE SIGNED IN BLOOD?

I have a feeling this is exactly how their meetings go.