Let it be known that I, too, went through a phase of badmouthing the Super Mario Bros. movie. When I was younger, I thought this movie was amazing. To me, the idea of a movie being made out of a video game gave me tickles and excited feelings. If I had only known what they had started.
To really understand why Super Mario Bros. is a mind-blowing movie, you really have to understand that it is telling the story of the video game. In a very distorted perspective. Think about that for a minute.
What the hell is the game about? WHO KNOWS? It is undeniable that even Shigeru Miyamoto may have had no idea what the backstory was to his own game. You start out only being able to go in one direction. What's to the left? Who knew. Perhaps to the left was a time portal leading to underground Manhattan. Deny it all you want, but Mario is the only human in the entire game, next to Princess Toadstool. That seems kind of...unbelievable, doesn't it?
If you have the ability to imagine Bob Hoskins running right for four hours, jumping on giant goombas and avoiding pits, then you can see things a whole lot clearer. Instead of a crazy yellow brick road Mushroom Kingdom, we have a diabolical, technologically advanced city controlled by Dennis Hopper. He overthrew the king and put himself in charge. Kind of like King Koopa took control of all these castles that you were looking for Princess Toadstool in. Imagine if each one of those castles were a plant run by the city. Electric Company, Water Works. Just grab the nearest Monopoly board and pick a spot.
Keep in mind that this movie did not prove anything about the game, it just merely told a story that would have explained all the strange things. Like giant pipes as transport. The writers decided "Oh, Mario must be a plumber." Which I attest is not true. This movie is responsible for a huge misunderstanding that carried on way too far, and even spread back to Japan. If you've ever played Mario Superstar Saga, you'll see that after TWENTY YEARS OF MARIO NEVER HOLDING A DAMN PLUNGER THEY FINALLY MADE HIM UNCLOG A TOILET. Do you know why? It's because he's not a damn plumber. But because of this widespread pandemic of idiots believing that because he wears overalls he must be a plumber, Nintendo decided to go with it.
I implore you, rent this movie and give it another go. Insert the coin blocks and stars as you will, but please. Do it for the children.
